"Dear Diary, Today I stuffed some dolls full of dead rats I put in the blender." -JTHM

So, my last living grandparent died. But it isn't affecting me as much as it should. I never really saw him, because he took care of my cousin Heather. So I was the neglected grandchild. But I suppose my cousin required more attention than I did.

William W. Arbuckle
Of Nottingham NH, formerly of Needham, August 24, 2007. Beloved husband of the late Lillian (Mamishian) Arbuckle. Devoted father of Beverley J. Arbuckle of Needham and David H. Arbuckle of Nottingham NH. Loving grandfather of Mary E. Galia of Needham, Heather M. Arbuckle and Robert A. Sheer of Nottingham NH. Great grandfather of Lillian Jean Sheer. A Funeral Service will be held in the Carter Memorial United Methodist Church, 88 Highland Ave., Needham, on Wed., August 29 at 11:00 AM. Relatives and friends are kindly invited to attend. Visiting will be held in the Gorse Chapel at the Carter Church from 10-11 prior to the service. Private interment will be held at Newton Cemetery. In lieu of flowers donations in Bill's name may be made to Exeter Hospital, 5 Alumni Drive, Exeter NH 03833 or to the Carter Memorial United Methodist Church, 800 Highland Ave., Needham, MA 02494. Late graduate Royal Air Force Code & Cypher School, Magdalen College, Oxford England. US Air Force World War II veteran, having received 6 Battle Stars. Member of the 51st Troop Carrier Wing, 12th Air Force. Bill was the former Treasurer of Hyde Park Savings Bank and former President of Belmont Savings Bank. Founder and former Scout Master of Troop 13 in Needham. Published in the Boston Globe from 8/26/2007 - 8/27/2007.

I've included some significant pictures:


Aww, look at little Me.



Apparently... I look a lot like my grandmother. I happen to have her smile.

So uh, I've disappeared off the face of the earth for the past week because I've been incredibly sick. I was hospitalized twice, and had so many IVs that I look like I've been shooting up or something.

But I'm starting to recover... this is the first time I've really had the strength to make it over to my computer.

And the symptoms... sucked balls. I hate throwing up, like I hate it so much that it's the only physical pain that will make me cry.
And obviously, that was the major symptom. Horrible bile-spewing vomiting.
And when I wasn't throwing up, I felt like I was going to.
So thank God for intravenous anti-nausea medication.

In conclusion: Still incredibly sick, but getting significantly better every day.

So, after Chris saw the previous blog we had a nice conversation about everything. What I said in the blog wasn't really anything new to him, it was essentially the summarization of many conversations we've had before. And it's silly how typing it out provides more of a reaction from him than speaking it to him. So besides the fact that there wasn't anything new to discuss, it was good to come to a general understanding about everything.
I guess because he sees me the most, I get the brunt of all of his bad moods; which is reasonable. And whenever he insults me it is usually him associating an irrational generalization of people specifically with me. Which is wrong on his part, but he realizes that. And understanding it/realizing it is half the battle.
So: since we both like each other and want to continue working at it, it's worth all the bad shit (in the simplest of terms).
I was incredibly mad this morning, so I vented: without mentioning the good aspects. But yeah... the good outweighs the bad. xP

So... I prefer fat guys, right? A guy must be fat in order for me to find them attractive. Simple enough.
I finally find someone who I can feel sexual attraction towards, and he treats me like shit. Which is odd because I treat him very very well, and to sound incredibly shallow, I'm probably the most attractive woman who's ever dated him. So how come I have to deal with being insulted all of the time?
He knows he insults me all of the time, but says he doesn't realize it. And although he says that he knows he does, he does nothing to prevent it. Sure, after I'm sobbing, he apologizes, realizing what he's said. But then the next time I see him, he pulls that shit all over again.
The things he insults me about are irrational. Essentially calling me worthless because I don't have a job. (I'm 18, he's 21. This is my last summer before college, I don't want responsibilities.) And of course he says that's no excuse because he had a job when he was my age. But then again, he also went to a community college that he never even got a degree from. I excelled in all of my academic opportunities previous to my graduation, and he just barely passed.
He talks about how everyone who smokes weed should be shot. But, he smokes it himself sometimes. And not to mention whenever we're at parties he drinks the most. And alcohol is much worse than weed. Alcohol kills people, weed doesn't. Alcohol is addictive, weed isn't. But he doesn't listen to reason, ever.

I mean he always says that he is very lucky to be with me, but considering how he treats me, his actions say otherwise. And I am just about ready to snap.